Job Searchin' Blues
by Anubis Monori
Summary: Peter's hunt for money lands him in some... unusual places.


Disclaimer: I do not own Family Guy, Ranma ½, Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, Gundam Wing, InuYasha, Sailor Moon, Hellsing, Dragonball Z, Ah My Goddess, Fullmetal Alchemist, or Tenchi Muyo. If any of their owners actually read this story, I would probably get shot.

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Brian walked up to Peter, sitting on the couch. "How's the job search coming?" he asked.

"I tell you Brian, it sucks. I've been looking everywhere for work. First I tried that fighting tournament..."

Peter tried desperately to defend against the punches and kicks Ranma threw at him. Eventually he fell into a pool of water. Getting out, he checked under his shirt. "Huh... so that's what I look like without boobs."

"Then I tried bounty hunting..."

"Alright!" Faye exclaimed happily. "With that new bounty, look at all the food we've gotten!" She opened up a crate to find it empty. All four looked over at Peter, who was now extremely fat. "What?" he asked.

"Then I tried finding work in a desert..."

"There he is! Vash the Stampede!" A mob of people chased after Peter, who was dressed like Vash. He ran as fast as he could, but soon began to slow down, panting. "Why... do I wear... such a heavy coat...?" As Peter was running, he tripped over the black cat and fell down on the ground. The mob jumped on him, beating him with their guns, clubs, and other weapons.

"Then I tried piloting that mobile suit..."

"It looks simple enough. I don't see why everyone is so worried." Peter began pressing random buttons. The Mobile Suit spun around in circles, shooting wildly. It activated its beam saber and stuck itself in the face. A couple of Virgos flew by and shot at him, blowing up the suit.

"Then I tried looking for some valuable jewel…"

InuYasha looked at Peter, confused. "What's a 'pawn' shop?"

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me! You mean I've spent all this time here for nothing?" Peter rolled his eyes and tossed the Shikon Jewel over his shoulder. It landed in a river. "Screw this, I'm going home." As the rest of the group ran frantically after the jewel, he jumped into the well. Halfway in, he got stuck. He sighed. "Great. Just great."

"Then I tried saving the world..."

"... and in the name of the moon, I will punish you!" Peter stepped up in a similar Sailor Scout outfit. "Did you realize that during our transformation, we're all naked?"

"Then I tried working for that British agency..."

"Remember, Peter, she may be 300 yards away, but you don't need the scope. Just concentrate." Alucard stood over Peter as he aimed the gun. "Wow! I can see her. This will be easy." Peter tried to fire, but the gun jammed. He looked down the barrel and pulled the trigger. This time it went off successfully. Meanwhile, the vampire jumped in a car and drove off.

"Then I tried that quest..."

Peter burst out laughing. "A dragon with seven balls! What, does that mean he's got-" he started counting on his fingers, "-five penises?!"

"Then I tried that hotline..."

Belldandy stuck her face through the mirror in Peter's bathroom. Peter was sitting on the toilet with his pants down and a porn magazine on his lap. "Um... I'm the Peter Griffin that called..."

"Then I tried working as a mechanic…"

Peter looked on as Winry was repairing Al. She took off his head and Peter glanced inside. "Oh, you got something there. Let me clean it off." To everyone's horror, Peter grabbed a rag, spit on it, and started wiping off Al's blood seal.

"I even thought that getting some roommates, to help pay the bills, would be a good idea..."

Ryoko and Ayeka were in towels, just getting out of the bath. They both clung on to Peter, then realized the other was there. "He's mine!"

"Hands off, you slut!" Ayeka slapped her, and Ryoko returned with a punch. They both started hitting each other, and Ryoko threw Ayeka through an open window. She landed hard on the grass, and Ryoko jumped on top off her, pinning her down. Peter followed them outside, watching everything. Ayeka managed to throw Ryoko off of her and ran at her, this time the one on top. The rolled around in the grass, steadily heading towards the lake. Their towels had fallen off in the struggle. They fell in, and both surfaced, trying to grab the other girl's throat. Peter swallowed. "Holy crap."

"I thought it would save money, but Lois didn't like the idea."

"Don't worry," Brian reassured him. "I'm sure you will find work somewhere."


End file.
